The last of the Iraqi Yazidis are stranded on a lonely windswept mountain surrounded by the scorching desert and a marauding hoard of bloodthirsty savages.

But don’t worry Mr. Rabbot is coming to the rescue.

The Yazidis are one of the oldest religions in all the wide world, their origins lost in the mists of time. It is said they have adopted elements of Christianity, Gnosticism, (whatever that is?) Zoroastrianism, Judaism and Islam. Taking the juicy bits of these fads as they passed by. The Yazidis in turn have been mercilessly persecuted by just about all these creeds and most anyone who has come across them since time began. Such is their lot.

Alas there are no more than 100,000 Yazidis left, most of whom reside in Germany, ironically enough. How the mighty wheel of history turns. Those fleeing religious persecution find a safe haven in a land once synonymous with the word persecution.

This year is the year 6,762 in the Yazidi calendar so yes they certainly are very old indeed.

The Yazidis are Monotheistic – believing in but one God. This was a pretty radical idea back when Methuselah was a lad, when people were decidedly promiscuous, worshiping all manner of strange animals and objects, all at the same time. But their monotheism is the cause of all their problems. You see The Yazidis worship a giant Peacock: Melak Tans-the peacock angel, as God’s Deputy on earth, to the exclusion of all comers.

Apparently, according to ancient texts hidden in dark caves and passed down from generation to generation, God created 6 other angels and ordered them to make Adam (that’s us humans) and make HIM the Deputy. But Melak Tan was not having a bar of it. He said ‘no’. He said no to God himself. He said ‘what part of no don’t you understand my dear God’. Melak Tan said, ‘I will bow to one God, and one God only’. Surprisingly, God said ‘Good answer Melak, (they were on a first name basis by now) you have passed my little test, I will dub YOU my Deputy on earth.

All very well and good, but unfortunately this bears an uncanny resemblance to the story of Satan, who also challenged God and was not rewarded for his independent thinking, but was banished to Hades for his temerity and has been in a foul mood ever since. This is why the poor Yazidis have been mercilessly harassed from one end of Arabia to another since time immemorial as Devil Worshippers.


Ben Boyang 2014


I am a fearless reporter who has recently been sacked from News of the World due to wishy washy. namby pamby, bleeding heart, bed weting liberals banging on about Ethics, whatever they are. I try to offend as many people as possible but in the words of some great orator, "you can offend some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but youcant offend all of the people all of the time".

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