It’s 2020, the pandemic is peaking. The whole country is in lockdown. People are dying, but even worse, economic growth has plummeted into negative figures for the first time in living memory, on my watch. This is a test of faith, if ever there was one!

“l need a sign from you my Lord and Master. Show me the way to get our economy back on track and keep ‘The Evil One’ from beating me in the polls”.

 l will go to the prayer room and ask for guidance.

(Yes, some people go to the prayer room to pray)

l open the door to find none other than Angus Taylor and his mate engaged in the puerile act of lighting their own farts.

After overcoming my initial surprise, l realize my prayers have been answered:

“Thank you Jesus, l read your message loud and clear.

Our salvation lies in a Gas Led Recovery.”

I am a fearless reporter who has recently been sacked from News of the World due to wishy washy. namby pamby, bleeding heart, bed weting liberals banging on about Ethics, whatever they are. I try to offend as many people as possible but in the words of some great orator, "you can offend some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but youcant offend all of the people all of the time".

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