Palmer United Person Party 

(Also kown as the P.P.P.- The Palmer Promotion Party)


It should be noted before we forensically scrutinize the policies of this particular party in any great detail, that they have not yet divulged any actual policies what-so-ever. However, the astute political analyst should be able to glean the general thrust of Clive’s personal take on life by reading his prodigious utterances on everything that he comes across.

Clive supports:


Surprisingly, Professor Palmer, of all people, appears to have THE most enlightened policy on refugees of all the major parties, closely followed by The Greens, with everyone else trailing way back in the field.

Clive says,” Let all the refugees fly in by airoplane, process then quickly and give them jobs in my coal mine. (A simple solution for simple people. Hey Proffesor Palmer, haven’t you forgotten there are over 20 million refugees. Just how many coal mines do you have?)



Abolition of Paid Lobbyists – (let the politicians lobby for themselves)

Defederalise the distribution of Government largesse. – Let the areas that produce the wealth retain the wealth. ( This is a very effective method of stopping all those dirty poor people taking money from the filthy rich.)


Live Cattle Exports

More funding for Private Schools – especially mine; ?



More ethanol in petrol ( Promts one to poner, does Proffesor Palmer own an Ethanol producing factory?)

Less taxes for the rich – More taxes for the poor (Rational: The rich re-invest their money in the economy while the poor waist all their money on food and rent)

Re-introduction of the Fringe Benefit Tax so executives can go out to lunch with their mates once again without the burden of paying for it. This will decrees the dangerous lack of social interaction for a group of isolated, alienated, lonely misfits who would otherwise eat their cucumber sandwiches alone in at their desks.

Breaking News – J.Bjelke Peterson (John not Jo fewh!) now second in command, after the untimely departure of Senator Lambie due to ‘unreconcilable breakdown’ and unresolved issues around inflatable egos.

Disclaimer: this data has been gleaned from the A.J.P. website

(not entirely verbatim – be especially suspicious of sections in parenthesis, except this one)

I am a fearless reporter who has recently been sacked from News of the World due to wishy washy. namby pamby, bleeding heart, bed weting liberals banging on about Ethics, whatever they are. I try to offend as many people as possible but in the words of some great orator, "you can offend some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but youcant offend all of the people all of the time".

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