Ban the Burqa


‘Hoody’ Ben Laycock 2001

It is high time the burqa is banned altogether. It’s too confronting. All these women sneaking about hiding their identities. Maybe they aren’t even women, maybe they are bank robbers.

Paradoxically, banning the burqa appears at face value to restrict a woman’s freedom, but on closer inspection it becomes apparent that it is actually liberating her from oppression. As we are all aware the woman in a fundamentalist Islamic sect is compelled to wear the burqa by her husband, who is in turn ruled by the Mullahs. No ifs. No buts. In London recently, the local council finned a woman for wearing a burqa. Fortunately they didn’t insist she take it off immediately. Her husband promptly declared she would no longer be allowed outside the house at all because he did not want other men looking at his wife. It is the iron fist of the mullahs that the state must resist. Let us not forget, the state for all its failings, is far more democratic than any church, with far more participation by women. It is the sign of a civilized society that scantily clad women can stroll down the street on a summer’s day unmolested, despite whatever lewd thoughts some of their admirers may no doubt be thinking. To require a woman to wear a burqa, indeed to make a woman cover her body at all is an admission by the patriarch that he is incapable of controlling his lust and is no more than a wild beast.

Some have suggested the wives of fundamentalist Islamic men actually enjoy their slavery, but for every woman they find who is happy to look like a sack of potatoes, it is easy to find 10 who aren’t. Ayaan Hirsi Ali (former muslim turned vocal critic) being a shining example. Surely no one would suggest a woman as beautiful as she should be covered up at all, and let’s be honest here, these fundamentalist patriarchs claim they are keeping their beautiful wives from the ogling gaze of other men but I suspect their wives are actually really ugly. Call me sexist if you like but I believe the female form is the most beautiful thing in all the world and it should never be covered up at all, weather permitting. If I were the Mayor I would decree that everyone must go stark naked whenever the temperature reaches 30 degree. I do believe this would have a marked effect on obesity, not that I would be one of those poking fun at the fat people, especially as I am growing a little pounch all of my own.

Ok, I relent, maybe we could allow fat and ugly people to wear a burqa but all the beautiful people would be made to share their gift with all the world.

After all this is how we humans lived very hapily ever since our fur fell off a long time ago, including the indiginous people of this land ,till they were taught to feel shame by the fundamentalist Christians, but that is another story.

Gosamer Bin Liner 2010

I am a fearless reporter who has recently been sacked from News of the World due to wishy washy. namby pamby, bleeding heart, bed weting liberals banging on about Ethics, whatever they are. I try to offend as many people as possible but in the words of some great orator, "you can offend some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but youcant offend all of the people all of the time".

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