The Senate –A Cornucopia of Choices

HEALTH AUSTRALIA PARTY

Careful, this mob could well be a front for The Anti-vaccination Crusade, who fervently believe vaccination should be illegal rather than compulsory.

 

SOCIALIST EQUALITY PARTY

Lookout, this mob could well be a front for The Trotskyists – enthusiastic young revolutionaries directed to infiltrate Stalinist committees and make them unworkable.

Since the fall of The Soviet Union this strategy has been extended to all committees.

 

SOCIALIST ALLIANCE

BEWARE – these people are Card Carrying Communists

 

VOTEFLUX!

A web savvy mob who would like to introduce internet voting on specific issues. The entire country could vote on any issue that takes their fancy. Or the whole world could vote on how to run the whole world. This is definitely a visionary concept well worth considering

 

The CycIing Scientists  

We are really keen to create a whole new city especially for Nerds, so we can ride around on bicycles and figure out how to get to Mars via teleporting.

 

SUSTAINABLE AUSTRALIA

We want a smaller population for Oz, as well as smaller people. (apparently there is a drug to arrest human growth at the desirable size. At present this drug is only given to disabled kids so they don’t grow too big to carry, but if we all reduced our size by half we would naturally need only half as many resources and create half as many emissions. If we were the size of ants we could send half the world’s population to colonize Mars, in one spaceship.(if teleporting proves to be impractical)

Think about it. But not for too long .

 

PIRATE PARTY

This mob are Computer Nerds whose favourite sport is hacking.

They do have some affinity with the Cycling Scientists but would not be welcome in Nerd Utopia as they might fuck things up big time.

 

RENEWABLE ENERGY PARTY

Zero Emissions by 2050! Good Luck!

 

THE ARTS PARTY

This mob believe artists should be paid money for making art.

Whilst this novel idea would bring about a marked improvement in their general wellbeing, it would no doubt have a detrimental effect on their art, since, as we all know, great art emerges from great suffering. Alas, a pleasant life makes for pleasant art, at best.

 

SECULAR PARTY OF AUSTRALIA

This mob believe God Almighty is persecuting Atheists for their beliefs (or lack of them) They promise to introduce a law banning God from Australia. If she so much as sets foot on Australian soil, or makes her presence felt in some other occult way, she shall be incarcerated! No ifs, no buts!

 

MARRIAGE EQUALITY

This mob fight doggedly for Gays to have the right to get married, fight in the armed forces and become priests, blissfully unaware that these pursuits are no longer cool.

 

The Pot Party Party

This mob think pot is the panacea for everything, especially the decline in rural industry. There is apparently a vast pool of untapped experience in the area of marijuana cultivation. Some of our most skilled horticulturalists are languishing on the dole whilst little kiddies die for the want of Medicinal Marijuana.

 

AUSTRALIAN PROGRESSIVES

This lot believe in social progress(the development of human consciousness)

as opposed to industrial progress (digging shit up & selling it to China)

 

VOLUNTARY EUTHANASIA PARTY

We vow to commit suicide on mass if we are not given the right to die with dignity.

The Shooters Party has offered to help.

Have perennial problems with ever decreasing membership

 

MATURE AUSTRALIA

We want to grow old gracefully, unlike our sister party, who don’t seem to want to grow old at all.

Claim The Voluntary Euthenasia Party are poaching their members

 

Euthenasia Party

Similar to Voluntary Euthenasia Party but don’t feel it is necessary to ask first.

 

AUSTRALIAN SEXY PARTY PARTY

The Sexy Party says it’s not all about the sex.

They are actually looking for a committed long

term relationship with the voters.

Note-Funded by the Porn Industry

 

ANIMAL JUSTICE PARTY

Party Leader: Mr. Ed

Calling for voting rights for all animals, not just humans.

Should get the donkey vote if The Shooters Party don’t get them first

 

THE GREENIES

We Greenies are one big happy family made up of nice, well educated middle class people who care very much about those less fortunate than ourselves, like poor people.

We love the bush but we have to live in the heart of the city because it is cool. We like to see ourselves as the beating heart of an otherwise heartless nation.

 

LABOR

1 Wind not Coal

2 Trains not Trucks

3 Schools not Prisons

4 We are like the Liberals, but nicer

 

LIBERALS (Conservatives)

1 Coal not Wind

2 Trucks not Trains

3 Goals not Schools

Retrain teachers as prison guards.

“My new clients are more polite and less violent than my previous charges and the pay is better”

– Jenny; trainee guard at Loddon Prison

– former Prep teacher at Sleepy Hollow Primary

 

4 Decrease spending to zero and ultimately liquidate the Government

 

The Gnats

The Gnats once swarmed across the plains like locusts but are now a mere shadow of their former selves. Shriveling inexorably to the point where they could disappear up their own arsehole at any moment.

This is due largely to the natural attrition of death.

 

MFP

John Madigan’s Manufacturing & Farmers Party

Mad Dog Madigan would have to be The Patron Saint of Lost Causes.

No sooner does he raise the DLP from the grave than he reburies them even deeper and goes into bat for farming & manufacturing before they disappear altogether.

Claims to have invented the stump-jump plough.(along 47 other claimants)

 

SHOOTERS & ROOTERS PARTY

This gang claim to be the true conservationists; preserving wetlands and forest habitat for them to hunt in. Whilst it may be a noble act to kill wild animals to feed your hungry family, this is a far cry from killing them for the shear pleasure of killing. Whilst hunting for sport may be environmentally sustainable it is hardly morally defensible, as it tends to encourage unhealthy psychopathic tendencies amongst participants.

 

AUSTRALIAN MOTORING ENTHUSIAST PARTY

It seems the people of Victoria are not as enthusiastic about their motoring as we were led to believe, but Ricky has turned out to be a decent chap, and living proof that a Nobody plucked at random can turn out more worthy than those we felt we could trust.

 

AUSTRALIAN COUNTRY PARTY

(often confused with the Austrian Country Party, especially in Austria)

We have adopted the No Policy Policy.

All decisions will be arrived at through community consultation.

Whatever bills The Greens vote for we will oppose on principal, and vice-versa

 

DERRYN HINCH’S JUSTICE PARTY

Led by the eponymous Mr. Hinch, AKA – The Human Headline

Derryn’s main focus is on self justice. As we all know, poor Derryn has been treated shabbily by the justice system every time he deliberately floats the law to increase his ratings. Derryn’s concept of self-justice also involves justifying his reason to be alive. (the most obvious reason being that it is illegal kill people)

Derryn’s goal is to have the privilege of exposing suspected pedophiles in parliament, thus avoiding going back to gaol yet again.

 

Pauline’s Personal One Notion Party

Pauline’s policy is to be as politically incorrect as possible whenever she is given the opportunity. When Eddie Maguire expressed the desire to drown a journalist, Pauline said with a straight face “ Personally, I would gleefully drown them all”.

Well said Pauline. All publicity is good publicity, as they say.

 

LIBERAL DEMOCRATS (often confused with the Democratic Liberals)

This mob would like to do away with laws and governments altogether and replace them with private armies defending private wealth, not unlike the Dark Ages or ‘Game of Thrones’. Lots of sex, lots of wars, lots of blood, lots of fun!

Not to be confused with the Anarchists, who would also like to do away with laws and governments, but they would convince everyone to be nice to each other and share everything so guns and money would be redundant.

 

FAMILY FIRST PARTY

“We refer to ourselves as The Anti Party or The Anti Party Party

Our detractors call us The White Anty Party

We are anti action on climate change

Anti Government

Anti Tax

Anti Unions

Anti Drugs

Anti Euthenasia

Anti Abortion

But Pro Life (at least until you are born, then you’re on your own, baby)

 

RISE UP AUSTRALIA  

-We do not sell Viagra

Possibly the most extreme far right of the gaggle of extreme far right parties on display,

and they do have some stiff opposition. (no pun intended)

Their glorious leader, one Daniel Nalliah of the infamous Catch Fire Ministries

Is quoted as saying soon after the Black Saturday Bushfires that killed over 200 people, “This is God’s punishment for Victorians allowing abortion.”

 

Assorted Bigots Lucky Dip

 

JACQUI LAMBIE NETWORK

CHRISTIAN DEMOCRATIC PARTY (FRED NILE GROUP)

AUSTRALIAN LIBERTY ALLIANCE

CITIZENS ELECTORAL COUNCIL

AUSTRALIAN CHRISTIANS

 

NICK XENOPHON TEAM

Nice guy Nick takes a Big Gamble and goes national. Good Luck Nick!

 

The Recycling Party

We recycle everyone else’s policies ad infinitum

 

The Dog Walkers & Pet Groomers Party

Dog walking and pet grooming should be compulsory

This would provide much needed employment opportunities for dog walkers and pet groomers, and the dogs like it too.

 

Random Wannabees

Loners who can’t muster 500 other loners to form a Loners Party

 

One thought on “The Senate –A Cornucopia of Choices

  1. This is the best political wrap up of 2016 I’ve seen. This should be on the The Drum or maybe Insiders- they certainly need some humour. These days the only humorous political show is Sky (not the) News.

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